BROKEN FOOT & LESSONED LEARNED

Being a better me also means admitting when I need to change a part of what I am doing or how I'm acting (this really isn't easy for me). Being part of a team sometimes means playing a position you don't normally play or covering a position for another player in order for your team to win. It also means not frequently pointing out the missteps or screwups of other team mates but focusing on how we can play better as a team. Many teams have play books which help them create possible situations in which they may encounter against the opponent. These play books are a sort of a plan for overcoming the situations with ease and defeating the opponent. Every player has a position they he/she executes in the play to ensure the team plays seamlessly. However, there are often times when teams encounter an unexpected component and the team deteriorates because it doesn't know how to handle this new problem. Well this what happened to my team (family). Long story short my husband broke his foot and 2 of my kids got a stomach bug which consisted of flowage from both ends!!! I spent most of Friday & Saturdy resentful and exhausted. Sunday night when I had time to really process and be upset I realized that I really have a great husband. I often complain to him and my girlfriends that I need more help from him and how he doesn't do much to help ease the burden of running the household. However, now that he isn't able to help at all I'm really feeling the pressure. Although I am not going to totally let him off the hook for more help I will give credit where credit is due. I am greatful for the husband I have and for the help he does give me. Oh and another thing I realized through all this women are amazing machines! When push comes to shove we get stuff DONE (efficiently)!

USE THE PLATE

So after my morning run I am standing in the kitchen starving and decided on making some scones with blackberry jam ( sound yummy right). I pull my scones from the oven and this is where my struggle begins. I start to rip off a paper towel to eat my scones from but I'm instantly annoyed thinking about how my jam may leak through and get on the counter. I had just cleaned up all the breakfast dishes and the stuff i used to make the scones. My kitchen was clean and the thought of getting out a plate and possibly a fork was annoying me. I didn't want to have to wash another dish. I probably went back and forth on this seemingly minor decision for a full 2 minutes. Then I said to myself, "self you deserve a plate. The minute I went to grab the paper towel I realized I deserved a plate. This little struggle for me wasn't about the fact that I hate washing dishes but it's about what I don't do for myself. As a wife of a Coast guardsmen and basketball coach and a stay at home to three beautiful children I sacrifice a lot. I have gotten in the habit of giving in to my husband or children at the sake of my own happiness and sometimes sanity. Sometimes at the end of the day I'm left drained and resentful while my family is buzzing around happy and satisfied. I have been on this kick about finding my own happiness and I have read a lot of book lately on the elusive subject. I would have to say the overall connection to most of them was to do what makes you happy. That sometimes means  my husband and my kids will be upset or will have to sacrifice. When my husband asked if he could play in a pick up game after his training session the other day I said No, and sure he was not the happiest but he was fine. Then my kids begged me to take them bowling after we just got back from the movies and I said No, they were upset my son even on the verge of tears but less than an hour later they were both outside riding their bikes and playing with the other kids. What I realized when I said NO to them was that everyone was eventually fine and I had a little more time to do what I wanted. Sometimes what I want is to not be wanted for anything but to be free to do what I want when I want to do it. It usually means I get to read my book.  I think as women but especially a mom we put the burden of our families happiness on our shoulders because let's face it, we know other moms/wives are secretly judging us. How well behaved the kids are, How clean the house is, Who brought the best party snacks, and the list goes on for the constant measured areas. In the end none of that stuff matters but leaves you feeling drained, tired, anxious and inadequate. We have to make sure we are finding time for ourselves and doing the things that truly make us happy. So you see using a plate or a paper towel wasn't really the issue for me but I new the plate would make me happier. I USED THE PLATE (I didn't really mind washing it either)!

IT'S HARD ENOUGH BEING ME

I went over to my friends house today after our run to try some of her organic peanut butter. When I walked in I was immediately hit in the face with fresh clean sent of a tidy house. As I looked around my eyes were taking in every clean nook and cranny, nothing out of place. My thoughts immediately drifted to my own home, where currently there is so much stuff piled on my kitchen island that I feel like I am going to have a mini heart attack. Not to mention that my friend totally kicked my butt on our run this morning. Granted I am also doing the run with her but I am always looking at her back and I even had to stop for water. Que self loathing music and low self esteem. I can't seem to kick this habit of constantly comparing myself to all of my friends and being upset because I just can't seem to measure up. I want someone to want to be like me. I know that I am a good person and I truly love my life. I just have little moments of "the crazies." Then I remind myself that just like you have to eat right and work out to maintain a healthy body, you have to do the same for your mind. You have to make sure that you are bragging to yourself about yourself. Make sure you are continuing to educate your self. Make sure your always in forward motion of reaching your goals. It never hurts to put a little lipstick on to make sure you look good too. Stop living in your head and feeding your negative thoughts you are so WORTH it and make sure you know that for yourself.

DON'T LET THE DOOR HIT YOU ON YOUR WAY OUT

I had a particular rough night of sleep, not very restful and I think I am fighting a bit of a cold. The minute I drug my butt out of bed this morning, I decided Starbucks would be a essential part of my morning. After I gathered the kids together and dropped them off at school. I pulled into Starbucks for my cup of sanity. I was toting my infant daughter in one hand. As I headed up to the door their was a older gentleman about 4 steps ahead of me. He got to the door and I had closed the gap to about 3 steps behind him. Then it happened, he opened the door walked through and let it close practically in my face! I was so close to him that the lady coming out of the door looked at him then me. I couldn't believe that he didn't hold the door open for me, HOW RUDE! I guess they aren't lying when they say chivalry is dead. It certainly was this morning. It just reminds me that it's another thing i need to instill in my kids (not just my son).

LIFE IS IN MOTION

Nothing reminds me that life is in forward motion like my kids do. We just celebrated our youngest 1st birthday on Monday. I feel like it just crept up on me. I don't know where the time has gone. I admit that most of the time I still feel like I am in my early 20's! It must be all the working out, lol. As I continue to watch my children get older and learn new things I am reminded that I too am getting older. So much of my time right now goes into raising my kids that I forget about myself. I have some personal goals that I am striving to reach and I can't forget to work on them. I am constantly reminding myself to take time for me. I feel guilty when I tell them no or wait because I am working on things for myself but I realize that it's OK. I want my kids to know that life isn't always about them all the time and it's OK to consider others. It's very hard to instill this in them while living in this "instant gratification" fast paced generation. I often find myself getting so frustrated with having to wait just 1 to 2 minutes. When my Google doesn't ping to life the instant I push the button I will push it again or reopen it in a new window. It's no wonder I see my kids huff and puff when I tell them to wait, they see me do the same thing. I am striving to be a better person by finding a balance of considering others while not neglecting myself. Finding peace in an otherwise chaotic world.

ANXIETY

I have been feeling insane amounts of anxiety and worry lately. I am usually the "don't worry about it" person in my family. My husband isn't very flexible so has major melt downs when things go awry. However, I think we may have switched roles. I have been feeling like I am running out of time, for what I am not sure. Some of my anxiety comes from having 3 kids and a husband who's schedules are daunting. I am constantly managing my little empire to ensure things are running like a well oiled machine. Let me tell you this takes work when you live in Hawaii and everyone else is on 'aloha" time and not moving very fast. Plus I am somewhat of a freak about my baby daughters sleep schedule because with out naps, I fight an uphill battle until bed time. However, I hate this feeling so I have been in constant prayer about how to deal with this feeling. My prayers were answered while reading my daily devotional a few days ago. It read "Planning for tomorrow is time well spent; worrying about tomorrow is time wasted. Sometimes it's difficult to tell the difference. Careful planning is thinking ahead about goals, steps, and schedules, and trusting in God's guidance. When done well, planning can help alleviate worry. Worriers, by contrast are consumed by fear and find it difficult to trust God. Don't let worries about tomorrow affect your relationship with God today. Matthew 6:34" (Life Application Daily Devotional on You Version App). This was reminder that I can't control every little part of my life, that's God's job. I can however have a plan. It's no surprise that when you have a plan and things go a little off track your better able to recover and cope. Get a plan and Give the rest to God!

HONEY UPDATE

So I have been in the big island for 4 days now and I know I was going to keep you posted on my honey and cinnamon facials. I stopped after the 4th day because  it wasn't working. My face felt smoother but I had actually had a few more breakouts happen. What I learned from this experience was 1. I need to do a better job at keeping my body healthy, more water! 2. For the sake of my kids and more specifically my daughters I don't need to be putting so much emphasis on my looks. My break outs were causing me a lot of anxiety because I was getting so nervous about what I was going to look like in my pictures from out vacation (which I will post when I get back). So until the next skin emergency I plan to keep it simple.

DO YOU!

I typically hate the phrase "Do You" or when people say I am gonna "Do me" if your actually doing it you shouldn't have to make either of those statements. Part of growing up and maturing is expanding your mind through experiences. One of my favorite bloggers Scott Williams bigisthenewsmall.com, talks about being uncomfortable and not falling in love with sleep. You have to get up and do something in order to progress and move forward. My sister in-law recently sent me a link to some guy named Allen Stone www.allenstone.com. She is very intellectual and sends links often so I wasn't really in a hurry to check it out. However, something urged me forward and I clicked the link. I clicked on the play button and was instantly in shock! You see this long haired white guy with BC glasses (my husband calls these glasses birth control, they look similar to the ones issued at boot-camp to those who wear glasses), a knit  cap and a guitar I immediately thought grunge music for sure. He starts to sing a very soulful sound exudes from his voice and i just can't believe the person I am looking at is really singing. Allen Stone, is what the statement "Do You" means. Just because you want to sing R&B music doesn't mean you have to have the stereotypical look of your every day R&B singer. Our God is bigger than this world and can use you the way you are to make things happen. We aren't Garanimals (clothing made for kids with specific tags for tops and bottoms that ensure your kids match) we don't have to match or color in the lines. We just have to use what we have to do what we love and God will take care of the rest.  Make sure you DO YOU!

Sweet Honey Day 3

So I am on day 3 of the honey and cinnamon regimen. I still have blemishes but my skin is really soft in the areas where I have been applying it. However, my sole purpose of starting this treatment was to clear up my skin and blackheads so a clearer complexion so I will need to see better results if I plan to make this a regular beauty habit. I am going to continue it until we leave for our spring break vacation to the Big Island. My 9 year old son asked me yesterday what was on my face yesterday and when I told him "he said it was disturbing and weird" I never thought my son would think I was uncool but it's slowly happening. lol!

Beauty is skin deep

So lately I have suffered from some very unsightly acne. It's been so bad that my sweet 5year old daughter was very excited to tell me about proactive when she seen the commercial. She said mom you just use 2 white bottles and 1 blue one and it takes all you bumps away and makes you happy. On that note the advertisement for the proactive did a great job because that was exactly how my daughter felt for me. At first I wasn't super bothered by my acne but when she mentioned it, I became really self conscious about it and now I feel like everyone is staring at my very large bumps. So I've scoured Pinterest for a good natural remedy and found one that seemed easy enough. You combined honey and cinnamon to make a paste-like consistency and slather it on the affected area leave on for 15 min then rinse with luke-warm water. We leave for a one week vacation to the Big Island in 10 days so i'm going to try this concoction to see if it makes a difference. I've already did it today and my face smells good and is pretty soft so we will see as time goes on.

Misery loves company

So we have been living in Hawaii for a little over 3 years now and I have met quite a few people since I have been here. It's crazy living in Army housing (this is are first time ever to do so) because families are moving in and out at rapid pace. This is not something we normally experience as a Coast Guard family. We went home to Washington for the whole summer last year and when we returned, all but one family on our block were new. I felt like I was in the twilight zone. I was kind excited though because I was becoming desperate for more friends. The one really good friend I had moved away and I was back to square one at being a loner. The crazy thing is that this housing area easily has about 500+ duplex style houses. You would think I would have my pick of the crop for friends right? WRONG, no one comes out of their house, it's the craziest thing ever. I get up and run with my infant daughter every morning and I was sure I would meet some other moms along the way but that wasn't the case. I must admit that I am a pretty shy person until you get to meet me and I can be very selective in my friends but this was crazy. So I prayed that God would bless me with some good friends to hang with during the day. I was becoming really bored. Lo and behold a few months later I started stepping out of my comfort zone and going up to other moms I would see in the area, at the store or the gas station and making small talk. I eventually found some friends some even in my neighborhood. Then I started to notice that they all had one thing in common.......they hated Hawaii!! Now I will be the first to admit that I am not found of this place either but I was determined to make the most of it. I guess the saying is true Misery loves company!! I actually have grown to enjoy parts of my life here and I plan to make the most of it and hopefully help my new friends do the same.

Living in the now

Today when I was dropping off my daughter at school, I was behind a car who had a bumper sticker that read: "I'D RATHER BE HERE NOW" I have been behind this car before and I've even read this bumper sticker before but today I read it and I thought about it. I have had several conversations with family and friends about living in the moment. I have even made it a resolution for more than one new year. So how is it that I constantly loose focus of this seemingly simple mantra? I think part of my trouble is that we are a military family. Our whole entire lives are constantly changing and restarting. The minute we get to our new duty station my brain automatically starts the countdown until we leave. It's how I cope with the constant moving. Being a military family comes with it's many challenges but I think one of it's benefits is the constant change. I actually have anxiety about the day we separate from the military, just knowing that I will be living someone where for the rest of my life makes me feel trapped. There are many days in the first few weeks of arriving to a new duty station where I would rather not be where I am. The unpacking, finding a house, school, doctor, dentist and friends all over again can be quite a pain. Then add the sad faces of my kids looking at me because they miss their buddies at our last station and their old school it really causes my mood to turn sour. This is when I think I would rather be anywhere but here. Then we settle in and all is well again and I just try to enjoy the moment. Then their is my personal life and development. I am constantly thinking I really want to move forward to the next level, I don't want to be HERE any longer. My nose is forever in a book or jotting in my journal all my wonderful ideas. I just want to get to a place in my personal life where I love being where I am. However, I realize no matter how many more moves we have or where I am in personally it's all apart of my life's story. If I want to be able to look back and be excited about telling my story I need to APPRECIATE BEING HERE NOW.

What is the lesson

It seems like many of my friends and family are going through hardships right now in there life and I admittedly have been really judging their situations. However, the holy spirit has been convicting me because who am to judge someones situation. I don't know what they have gone through or what they are dealing with. I just plan to learn from their hardships, what is the Lord telling me about my situation. It's only by the grace of God I am where I am today and I know that at any moment all my wealth, health and peace could be stripped away. I challenge everyone to pray for others and learn from every situation.

Destination Nowhere

Lately I have been on this search for my purpose in life. I have met so many people in my lifetime who are fulfilling their  purpose or at least doing something they really love. Then there is me I seem to be on this endless path to Nowhere! The crazy thing is I have the support from my family especially my husband to explore what I want to do. I personally think my husband is sick of hearing me complain about how bored I am with my life. I think as children and teens we have this idea of what our life is going to be like, then we grow up. I always had this image of me being married, with children while working as a top level executive in a major corporation. I even have my degree in business admin. However, I married my high school sweetheart who serves in the United States Coast Guard, had 3 awesome children and we move every 3-4 years. The moving around all the time has really put a kink in my plans to be that high level executive. I also think my aspirations have changed. On most days I love my life being a stay at home mom, then I get into weeks where I just have an urge for something new. I don't know what it is exactly that God has planned for my life but I feel like I'm getting close to finding out. Pretty soon this road to Nowhere will be leading me Somewhere and I have no doubt that it will be great.