USE THE PLATE

So after my morning run I am standing in the kitchen starving and decided on making some scones with blackberry jam ( sound yummy right). I pull my scones from the oven and this is where my struggle begins. I start to rip off a paper towel to eat my scones from but I'm instantly annoyed thinking about how my jam may leak through and get on the counter. I had just cleaned up all the breakfast dishes and the stuff i used to make the scones. My kitchen was clean and the thought of getting out a plate and possibly a fork was annoying me. I didn't want to have to wash another dish. I probably went back and forth on this seemingly minor decision for a full 2 minutes. Then I said to myself, "self you deserve a plate. The minute I went to grab the paper towel I realized I deserved a plate. This little struggle for me wasn't about the fact that I hate washing dishes but it's about what I don't do for myself. As a wife of a Coast guardsmen and basketball coach and a stay at home to three beautiful children I sacrifice a lot. I have gotten in the habit of giving in to my husband or children at the sake of my own happiness and sometimes sanity. Sometimes at the end of the day I'm left drained and resentful while my family is buzzing around happy and satisfied. I have been on this kick about finding my own happiness and I have read a lot of book lately on the elusive subject. I would have to say the overall connection to most of them was to do what makes you happy. That sometimes means  my husband and my kids will be upset or will have to sacrifice. When my husband asked if he could play in a pick up game after his training session the other day I said No, and sure he was not the happiest but he was fine. Then my kids begged me to take them bowling after we just got back from the movies and I said No, they were upset my son even on the verge of tears but less than an hour later they were both outside riding their bikes and playing with the other kids. What I realized when I said NO to them was that everyone was eventually fine and I had a little more time to do what I wanted. Sometimes what I want is to not be wanted for anything but to be free to do what I want when I want to do it. It usually means I get to read my book.  I think as women but especially a mom we put the burden of our families happiness on our shoulders because let's face it, we know other moms/wives are secretly judging us. How well behaved the kids are, How clean the house is, Who brought the best party snacks, and the list goes on for the constant measured areas. In the end none of that stuff matters but leaves you feeling drained, tired, anxious and inadequate. We have to make sure we are finding time for ourselves and doing the things that truly make us happy. So you see using a plate or a paper towel wasn't really the issue for me but I new the plate would make me happier. I USED THE PLATE (I didn't really mind washing it either)!